I was watching this video by the awesome CeCe, where she discussed books that would sum up her personality. As I reflected on my experiences, I have decided to share my own equation along with the missing parts of it, too.
Faith and Friends
Tahereh Mafi’s Whichwood spoke to me spiritually. As the main character wears a headscarf and is isolated because of her insecurities, I felt understood. Granted, I am not isolated because I have a huge burden on me in terms of work or legacy. I do however think that my anxiety is the reason for my difficulty in making and keeping friends.
Laylee has a strained relationship with her ancestry, which, in my case, is allegorical to the mental illness legacy within my own lineage. This book, its coldness, the colorful scarves, the friendships, all of it is just perfectly me.
The Average Queen
While working on my first personal essay, I came to this repeated notion of my average skills. Like the princesses in Kendare Blake’s Three Dark Crowns, I feel rather mediocre often especially when faced with people in my age group. Often, particularly when manic, it feels as though big things are possible for me. However, when coupled with my meek personality and anxious disposition, I realize that I’d be lucky to pass for average.
I have a mild form of bipolar called cyclothymic disorder, which often feels like darkness and light often battling within me. I guess this is why Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl echoes to me even throughout the years.
Another character touching dynamic between Kate and August in This Savage Song. This monstrous thing lurking behind me and within me is easily manifested in this duology by Victoria Schwab, who is among my favorite authors because of her exploration of evil in various forms.
anxiety and writing
Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell is pure perfection with cute fanfiction along the way. I am in no way saying that I am a talented writer like Cath. However, I did lose my spot between my siblings for a long time (even now) because of new transitions. The habit of displacing my identity through fandom is spot on. I’d much rather be someone awesome than me. I am not even looking for a Levi to love me. I am looking for a Levi to befriend, and drink warm tea, and fangirl together.
Another one is, of course, The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli, where anxiety and body image come into play. Again, not interested in romance, but this book still hit some exact notes for me.
Finally, it would not be a post about me without a John Green reference. His epic Turtles All the Way Down is my most cherished work of his at this point. It was an accurate portrayal of OCD, which is something I deal with. I am trying not to reshuffle my whole book shelves repeatedly as I write this. My own OCD manifests very differently from Aza, the main character in this book. It still functions the same: obsessive thoughts and a compelling act that is almost a sacred ritual.
What are the books that encompass parts of who you are? Do we share any books in common? Holler in the comments. See you there.